Wondering if you are a bad person isn’t always a fleeting thought or existential question; it can be a sign of a mental health condition such as depression. In that case, it is important to be aware of the symptoms to watch for so that you can seek help. This article explores what you should do if you find yourself thinking, “I’m a bad person.” It covers some signs that you might have a problem and what you can change. Subscribe Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts
What Does “Bad Person” Mean?
Labeling yourself a “bad person” is often a judgment that stems from your value system. These values arise from the beliefs you’ve formed through your upbringing and experiences, but they are also heavily influenced by the culture you live in. The expectations for what it means to be “good” can vary depending on the society and culture in which you live. One person might define a “bad person” as someone who engages in harmful or destructive behaviors. Another person might define a bad person as an individual who doesn’t care about other people, regardless of the type of actions they engage in.
The Dark Factor of Personality
According to some researchers, there is a certain pattern of traits that make up what is referred to as the “dark factor of personality” or D-factor. People who exhibit these characteristics often engage in actions that are harmful to other people. Such traits include:
Entitlement Immorality Neuroticism Psychopathy Sadism Self-centeredness Self-interest Spitefulness
Signs You Might Have a Problem
There are some indicators that you might want to consider how you treat others. A few signs that you might need to evaluate your actions include:
Lack of Apologies or Remorse
Hurt feelings happen from time to time. It is normal to lash out, act thoughtlessly, or say things in the heat of the moment that cause other people pain. How you respond to those actions can say a lot about who you are as a person. But if you are not willing to do those things or struggle to admit that you’ve harmed others, it may be a sign of a deeper problem.
Self-Centered Behaviors
There is nothing wrong with putting your own needs and interests first sometimes. Taking care of yourself is crucial, and neglecting your own needs can lead to unhappiness and poor well-being. However, if you’re always thinking about yourself and your own needs, and you never consider the feelings or welfare of others, it may indicate a problem that you should address. It is particularly damaging if you neglect the needs of the people you are close to, such as your partner, children, other family members, or friends.
Manipulation, Exploitation, and Dishonesty
Always taking advantage of others or using them for your own gain is a definite sign of a problem. Putting other people down and engaging in gaslighting is often a form of manipulation and exploitation. If you’re always telling lies, big or small, it may indicate that you need to evaluate your behavior and make a change. People who engage in exploitive or destructive behaviors typically have no problem lying to get what they want. While everyone tells lies from time to time, it can indicate a more serious problem when it is chronic, pervasive, and does not lead to any feelings of remorse or regret.
Causes to Consider
The question of why people do bad things has been the subject of scrutiny among religious scholars, philosophers, psychologists, and doctors for thousands of years. The answers to the questions are vast and varied, ranging from biology to parenting to social pressures. If you sometimes feel like a bad person, it can be helpful to consider some of the factors that might be contributing to these feelings. Some influences might include your personality, upbringing, life experiences, and environment.
Personality
Certain personality traits can sometimes affect how you feel about yourself. For example, neuroticism is one of the core dimensions of personality. People who have high levels of this trait sometimes tend to feel negative about themselves, others, and the world in general.
Experiences
Your upbringing and life experiences also play an important role in how you perceive your own actions. Your earliest experiences in life involved watching caregivers and other adults, and how their behaviors and the value systems they raised you in served as a model for how you feel and act today. Of course, other experiences and influences also play a role. Peers, social pressures, culture, media influences, and your individual experiences have also shaped how you relate to the other people in your life. Adverse experiences may contribute to an overall negative outlook on life, ultimately impacting how you engage with others.
Mental Health Conditions
Some mental health conditions such as antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder can lead to problems with empathy, relationships, behaviors, and self-perceptions. If you have one of these conditions, getting a diagnosis is an important first step. Treatments may include medications and therapy to change thought patterns and social interactions. People who are depressed may have symptoms such as feelings of guilt and lack of self-worth. In some cases, people with the condition can feel fundamentally bad or that the world would be better off without them. It is important to recognize that feeling like a bad person can sometimes be a symptom of depression. Sometimes this feeling is accompanied by other symptoms such as low mood, decreased interest in activities, loss of pleasure, fatigue, irritability, social withdrawal, and a lack of motivation. In that case, it is crucial to seek help. Talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing. They can assess your symptoms, make a diagnosis, and recommend treatments that can help relieve your symptoms.
Steps You Can Take to Feel Better
Feeling like you are a bad person can be distressing. In addition to talking to a mental health professional, there are steps that you can take to be better and feel better about who you are and how you relate to others.
Treat others with respect: Work on showing kindness and respect to others. Being nice to people can be a great place to start. Approaching others with kindness can also lead to more positive social interactions, which can be helpful for forming new social relationships. Find ways to help others: Research has found that helping others often helps people feel better about themselves. You can start by doing good deeds in your daily life or volunteering to support an organization that you care about. Practice forgiveness: Being able to forgive isn’t always easy, but research has found that it can have many mental health benefits. People who can forgive experience more positive emotions, less stress, better relationships with others, and feel a greater sense of purpose in life. Show yourself compassion by learning how to forgive yourself. It can be a positive first step toward improving how you feel about who you are as a person. Think positively: Maintaining a more optimistic mindset may help you interact more positively with other people and feel better about yourself. Pay attention to the types of negative thinking that contribute to feeling like you are a bad person and look for ways to replace those thought patterns with more positive ones.
It is also important to remember that labeling yourself and others can have negative consequences. Believing that such qualities are innate and unchangeable, in particular, can limit your ability and motivation to make positive changes in your life. Even if you have moments where you feel negatively about yourself, avoid labeling yourself as a “bad person.” Everyone makes mistakes, has bad days, and has things they’d like to change. Show yourself compassion.
How to Get Help
If you’ve been struggling with feeling like you are a bad person, there are steps that you can take to get help and make a change in your life. Start by talking to your healthcare provider or mental health professional. They can evaluate your symptoms and help determine if there may be an underlying problem, such as a personality disorder, contributing to behaviors that make you feel bad about yourself and your interactions with others.
Summary
It isn’t uncommon for people to feel like they are bad or to regret their actions from time to time. The definition of what constitutes a “bad person” is subjective. Certain patterns of personality traits, including narcissism, sadism, and self-centeredness, are often associated with a disregard for the well-being of others. Personality and experiences can play a role, but mental health conditions can also affect how people feel about themselves.
A Word From Verywell
Feeling like a bad person often indicates that you are capable of empathy, self-awareness, and remorse. If you’ve done things that you regret or that make you feel like a bad person, there are steps that you can take to change your behaviors, make amends, and improve how you feel about yourself. Engaging in behaviors that exploit or disregard others is harmful and needs to be addressed. If you suspect that your actions are harming your relationships, talking to a therapist is a good place to start. But if these feelings are accompanied by other symptoms such as changes in mood, motivation, and energy levels, it is important to talk to your healthcare provider. In such cases, it might be a sign of depression. Depression can make it difficult to enjoy your life to the fullest, but effective treatments are available that can improve your outlook and well-being. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
