Survival Tips
Try these tips for getting through your next awkward conversation.
Understand the Awkwardness
Manage the situation by understanding the cause of your unease. Perhaps there are lots of long silences or maybe the other person has a strong opinion different than yours. Identify the reason for the awkwardness, and you will be one step closer to finding a solution. If the other person has just said something surprising, it’s okay to reply with, “I am thinking about what you said,” to give yourself time to process the information.
Keep the Conversation Flowing
There is a reason why long silences can make you feel uncomfortable. A 2010 study from the University of Groningen in the Netherlands published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology Research showed that fluent conversations lead to feelings of self-esteem, social validation, and belonging to a group.
Find the Humor
If a conversation has become awkward, consider doing something to lighten the mood. You can do this by telling a funny joke or story, poking fun at yourself, or finding the humor in your current situation. Keeping the mood light will help to break the ice and move the conversation forward.
Agree to Compromise
Sometimes conversations are awkward because of disagreements. In these situations, always try to find a compromise. Practice empathy toward the other person, and try to understand how he or she views the situation differently than you. Doing so may allow you to accept the other person’s viewpoint without having to change your own.
Listen and Paraphrase
If you don’t know what to say in a conversation, try simply reflecting back what you hear from the other person. If a new friend at school is upset about a poor grade on an assignment, say something like “It sounds like you are really upset about your grade on that project.”
Ask a Question
Perhaps you are in a conversation that is awkward because you really don’t know anything about the other person. In these situations, it’s best to ask questions to try and find mutual interests that can turn into conversations. If you know that you will be in a situation where you will be talking to strangers, try to plan at least three open-ended “go-to” questions (that start with “how” or “what”) that you can use if you get into an awkward conversation. Don’t struggle too hard with these either. Ask questions to dig deeper into a topic that was discussed earlier in a conversation, to clarify misunderstandings, and to show that you are listening to the other person. Just be careful not to ask too many questions in a row, or you may come across as an interrogator.
Offer a New Topic
New discussion topics are perfect for lulls in conversation. Have a few of these ready to bring out the next time you sense nobody else has anything to say. Some examples of topics include popular television shows, something that you all have in common (such as an upcoming test at school), and current events. New topics are also perfect for small talk with strangers. Even mundane things such as the weather can be good places to start. You might even consider doing some detective work to find out who you will meet and prepare some questions tailored to their interests. Offering a genuine compliment (about a clothing item or hairstyle, for example) is also a fine way to talk about something new.
Be Assertive
If you find yourself in a conversation with a person who is rude, who has asked you something inappropriate, or has made you uncomfortable, it is important to stand up for yourself. Take control by saying something assertive, such as “I would rather not discuss that.” If you find yourself the target of a difficult person, steer the conversation away toward a new topic and a new individual. Be careful not to keep uncomfortable feelings to yourself—or you may risk ending up resentful and bitter in the long run.
Keep Quiet
Not all situations call for conversation. While it is true that fluent talk among friends builds camaraderie, if you find yourself in public settings with strangers, talking isn’t always necessary. Your seatmate on the bus or plane might not be interested in making small talk the whole trip—and that’s perfectly fine. If the other person gives a lot of one-word responses, folds his or her arms, or leans away, those are signals that he or she may prefer just to stay quiet.
Deal With Awkward Topics
Use tact to manage situations that are awkward because of what has been said. Steer the conversation in a different direction by saying something like, “Oh that’s interesting. You know what else I heard the other day?” and continue talking about the less-sensitive topic. If someone interjects an awkward comment in the middle of an ongoing conversation, consider pausing for a brief silence, and then continuing the original line of discussion, rather than addressing what was said (also known as “saving face” for the person who made the misstep). Say something like, “I’m not really one for gossip, it makes me feel a bit uneasy because I wouldn’t want others talking about me like that. Could we talk about something else?” Awkward topics can sometimes even be what is left unsaid.
Choose Kindness
If someone is grieving a loss or there is a family dispute, it may form an undercurrent and create awkwardness in a conversation. Often the best way to handle these situations is to get it out in the open—in a kind and compassionate way. Say something like, “I am so sorry for your loss. You must be having a hard time right now.” However, if emotions are still very strong (such as in a family dispute) it might be best not to spend too much time acknowledging the issue, or you risk opening up old problems. Awkward topics can also include those where you have something to ask or a troublesome topic that you need to discuss. If you know that you will be facing an awkward situation like this, try to give the other person warning so that they are not taken by surprise. Let that them know you have something important to discuss and set a time to do so.
Exit Gracefully
If there really is nothing else left to say, or you have some other reason for wanting to leave a conversation, be prepared and plan to do it gracefully. Always thank the other person for taking the time to talk. If someone is monopolizing your time and won’t let you end the conversation, use an excuse such as needing to get another drink, as a reason for exiting.
Be Understanding
Not everyone is a social butterfly who loves making conversation. Some people may live with shyness or social anxiety and take longer to warm up in new situations and with new people. If someone feels nervous around you because she doesn’t know you, be kind and understanding. People with SAD are afraid of being embarrassed in front of others, and it affects how they live their daily lives. Don’t judge someone who appears awkward, nervous, or afraid. Instead, be friendly, show genuine interest by listening carefully, and find a topic of mutual interest, to help make that person feel more comfortable.
Manage Your Own Social Anxiety
If conversations are awkward because of your own shyness or social anxiety, do what you can to manage these feelings. Practice social skills, read self-help books about overcoming shyness and social anxiety, and see a therapist if your anxiety is severe and interfering with your life. You owe it to yourself and your future conversation partners to manage your feelings.
Explain Awkward Endings
Sometimes conversations get cut short. Rather than ignore that a conversation ended awkwardly, apologize or acknowledge the situation the next time you talk with that particular person. Explain why you had to leave and how it was not personal. For those with social anxiety, explaining that sometimes social situations can be overwhelming can be helpful in putting the other person at ease.
Help Solve Problems
Help someone solve a problem and the awkwardness between you will easily dissolve. Asking a friend for advice is another great way to keep conversations interesting and flowing. Talking about problems and solutions can take a long time—and give you something to check up on the next time you see someone.
End With a Summary
It’s important to end conversations with a summary and a future plan. For example, you might say something like, “It was great talking about all the marathons you’ve participated in. Perhaps next time we are together we can plan for when I start training myself.” This structured type of ending to a conversation helps to bring things to a natural close but also leads to future discussions.
A Word From Verywell
Not every awkward conversation is a bad one—many can be salvaged with a bit of effort. By putting the above tips into practice, you will become more adept at being that person who always knows the right thing to say to make others feel better in your presence.
